Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
