so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
