I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
