Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
