i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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