theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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