he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
farters have to be the big spoon...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
