The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
