I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
