I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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