friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
