Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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