You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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