So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
