every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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