I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
