well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
