k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
