Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my being single is dangerous.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
