Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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