So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
