4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
