I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
