my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
