Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
