This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
