Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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