quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
