i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think people are normalizing furries
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
