I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
