I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
