if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
