The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
