Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
