i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
