Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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