For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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