I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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