Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
