Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
