Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
