You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
