Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
