he wants to bone in the snuggie
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
