We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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