i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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