don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
