Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
