its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
