she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
