I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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