Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
