I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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