sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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