Will you blow on my dice?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this just has baby written all over it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
