my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
