I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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